I think I won the penis lottery.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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