Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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