Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
