Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
