Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Is it penis luge time yet?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
