508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He passed out mid-signature
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
