you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
