Porn is love you can see.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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