So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
