I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize