I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
