Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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