So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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