i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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