and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
