My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize