I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
