peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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