How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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