Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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