Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
