i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
