mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
