I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
