I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
