I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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