So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize