All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
