he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
