mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
