hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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