Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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