Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
