oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
