yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
