dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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