dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
