Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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