do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
false alarm. still invincible.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
COCAINE IS GR8
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
