Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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