A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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