I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Four minutes until I can fart!
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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