I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
