I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
