Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
