Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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