I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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