So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
