nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
