I must be too annoying 4 u.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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