Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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