There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
