I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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