Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
