She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Dear god my vagina.
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