He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize