Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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