You're my little dorito
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
