First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
