i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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