The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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