This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
