The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
