Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
there is glitter all over my balls
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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