Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
