every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
