I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
