Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
